my mom needs some kind of operation and there gonna take parts out of her. i follow her around alot and sit in rooms with her and ride in cars with her and i mostly stay quiet, it's better that i don't say how i feel, it'd only make me embarrased and she might cry or something rotten like that. she's real nostalgic and nervous all the time, she tells me stories about arizona and other kids from arizona and lincoln, illinois. she tells me she loves me alot and her stomach hurts all the time.

two cornfields across from lincoln dairy queen, the state fair always happened, i don't remember dates or nothin, on the way i would bend over and see burned up worms, they get hot and stuck to the gravel and then they bloat up and pop. the dust at the fair made me cough alot and i used to steal things from the smaller kids around and watch the pigs get weighed and listen to them cough and grunt and squeal. they had one hundred foot slides and all kinds of candy and people giving away religious books. you could hear megaphones everywhere and i really liked all that screaming, i used to just walk around yelling and nobody could hear me because of all the megaphones.

i kissed my first girl when i was six, she was named tiara and she had nice clothes and brown skin.

jessie's older brother taught me how to say "suck my cock" in spanish and he would kill kittens and birds with a shovel all the time for fun. he used to smoosh a kitten and say fun fun fun, he said he learnt it from his dad. jessie's parents where junkies and all there ever was to eat at jessie's house was cornflakes. i remember going to his house all the time and it looked like a haunted house and smelt like trash and they were always watching the same superman movie, his parents i mean, they slept on the fold out couch and watched superman all the time. i thought they were dead once, but they moved. jessie's older brother taught us how to steal and break into houses and get into cars and let the brakes off.

sometimes i would hide in the weird alleyway behind our house all night because i thought the cops were looking for me and i would do drawings and hide them under a tree and practice writing letters to my mom about how i was innocent and the cops where liars.

i have been thinking alot about outer-space, my favourite thing to do is to cast my eyes at the clouds, cause at night they are a different kind of black, i like that because i didn't think black could be different from black.

i have alot of eerie old stories to tell and all, but how do i do it is the hitch. i hope that this is like a movie, really big and bright, like an arcade game or when you look at a lightbulb real hard and then close your eyes and it doesn't go away and it hurts your head.