the snow was getting to where it looked like a water damaged picture of snow, white in the middle and bleeding out into everything else, and my voice starting hanging around in the air like it was part of the wether and i walked past all kinds of brick buildings and play grounds and highways and bars and alleys and hookers and drunks and christians and junkies and all. i snuck into a house and most of the windows where black completely and in one room there was highchairs and cribs, some of them real broken, all piled up in the middle of the floor, the walls where stained and peeling and black and grey and brown and mis-shaped. i stayed in there all day writing cuss words on the walls and crawling through the cabinets. there was alot of dust and grit and when i got home i had to wash my hands.

and then days later, maybe months, i never knew much about time, i was at paul's house and we pretended to assasinate his dad through the window in his back yard and then we climbed the side of his house and jerked open his bedroom window to read comics on the roof and assasinate people who walked by. and paul told me all kinds of stories about his older brother and how he could beat up an ox. and we went to his mom's house sometime later and stole half of her disney land money from a giant plastic pig she was keeping it in, and we bought alot of gum in a brown paper sack and chewed it like animals in his moms basement after we snuck in through the small window that was foggy and not clear to see out of and we listened to his brother's rap records and called our teaches bitches and faggots and motherfuckers and cocksuckers and assholes and we hid the rest of the gum under the heater to keep it away from his dumb family and went back a few days later to find it had melted from the heat.

in lincoln, illinois all the grown ups seemed to be drunks and when i remember them now they all seem like film characters or something, but sad and empty, easy to kill somehow.

a time later when i was re-arranging my room, putting books in piles according to colour, i decided that i would just pack up all the stuff i had and go and sleep in the forest with the cobras and the deer and the bear cubs and the wolves and the ox and just cut out a living as an animal too, killing fish and growing fur, but nothing ever came of it, i couldn't get out the door before i got caught by my aunt eedie, who had diabeties and was real loud and hoarse in her throat, she sounded like a hollywood banshee when she would get to hollerin at me about something like running away.